Work Jerks: how to handle rude veteran nurses
Any nurse coming into the profession knows the phrase 'nurses eat their young.’ Thanks to a recent culture shift towards calling out such behavior, this long-tolerated practice is beginning to recede back a bit. But even if the overall prevalence is diminishing, it doesn’t mean new nurses won’t encounter more experienced nurses acting with hostility towards them from time to time. Just like any clinical skill, it can take practice to handle these rude veteran nurses.
The trickle down effect:
Nursing—already a laborious profession to begin with—has reached crisis-level intensity with the arrival and continuation of the COVID-19 pandemic. No areas are untouched. The past 18 months have delivered an inadvertent silver lining, however: an “all hands on deck” camaraderie. OR nurses working ER, peds nurses working ICU, and travel and agency nurses galore have overwhelmingly led to an appreciation of all—and any—warm bodies working in tandem. It’s the only way we’ve been able to cope with an insane workload. In short—there simply isn’t been enough time for the meanies to be mean.
But, when pandemic-conditions cease and desist (please, GOD!), and nurses have a bit more wiggle room to breathe, the bullying tendencies of those few will likely resurface. The main reason for this type of behavior is a manifestation of stress—mishandled stress, to be exact. As nurses, caring for patients moving through large (and often woefully inefficient) institutions, we deal with a ton of factors outside of our control. Add in the micro (and macro!) aggressions of disgruntled patients, physicians, and management onto the back of a burnt out nurse who hasn’t learned adequate coping skills, and that stress is unfortunately projected onto easy targets—new and inexperienced nurses. It’s not fair, but yet, it persists. (For now, anyways.) And new nurses must be prepared to encounter, diffuse, and if necessary—rebuke such behavior.
Not only do rude nurses affect your energy, morale, and productivity at work, over time the negativity can have serious consequences on your mental and emotional health as well. So, what’s a new nurse to do when such meanies come for them? There are three main strategies you can fall back on to handle it.
Keep a cool head:
Hurt people hurt people. We’ve all heard that saying, and it’s true. But knowing why something happens doesn’t make it okay; rather, it can give us insight in how to navigate it appropriately. A rude nurse taking out her aggressions on you is wholly about her shortcomings, not yours. Repeat—YOU are not the problem. But since new nurses already carry around so much https://dailynurse.com/graduate-nurses-and-imposter-syndrome/ they are easy prey for jerks looking to diffuse their own stress.
In order to break the cycle, you mustn’t react. If possible, try to dissociate yourself from the situation and think: “Oh, here’s one of these insecure nurses trying to offload stress like NurseDeck told me about.” And then, keep calm and carry on. Part of what a rude nurse gets out of bullying behavior is the emotional payout of seeing you squirm. Remove that from the equation and they will likely cease to target you.
Thrive:
Nothing is more annoying to passive-aggressive, condescending veteran nurses that someone who appears to be a rising star. We’re not just talking about killing it at work, however. Thriving is an inside job that springs from a fountain of intrinsic factors. While it’s nice to be validated professionally, make it a priority to ensure that work is not your priority. You work as a nurse, yes, but your identity should not stop there.
This is where self-care practices (we’re talking exercise, good food, and therapy, here…not manicures and face masks) become so important to insulate you from negative work experiences. Plus, when you feel good about yourself from the inside out, that kind of wellbeing shines a forcefield around you that is very off-putting to potential bullies. Just like any predator, they look for the weak. Be strong instead.
Set boundaries with backup:
Maybe you’ve been working on the first two steps, and they’ve helped to some degree, but there is just this one nurse who seems to have made it their life’s mission to make yours miserable. There’s a million ways to jab at people, and some nurses have been in this unhealthy pattern for so long, it’s beyond habit—it’s their MO. More than likely, it’s because they’ve been enabled.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, it’s time to set some clear boundaries by enlisting outside help. That starts with speaking to management, like your charge nurse, or unit director. It’s safe to assume they are well aware of the problem…but like most humans, management sometimes avoids uncomfortable situations until they are forced to deal with them.
Make three things clear in your conversation: you will not tolerate the rude behavior any longer, you have detailed documentation of each occurrence, and you intend to follow up with HR if such behavior is allowed to continue unchecked.
Another approach to boundary-setting is directly facing off with the bully, but this can be a messier approach. If you decide to go this route, keep it short, simple, and direct. Emotions can cloud resolve and even the most rehearsed conversations can be derailed. Plus, calling someone out on their poor behavior is an ego-check for them which can backfire into additional torment for you—we advise doing it in concert with management help for back-up.
Hopefully in the future, articles like this one will be less necessary. Nurses (still willing to work after making it through the pandemic) are realizing we are way more powerful together than apart. If we don’t have each other’s backs, who will?