“Brenda Doesn’t Work Here:” How to be Seen at Work
When I was a little girl, all of 5 and in Kindergarten, the first teacher I ever had got my name wrong. During the time it took for the trees outside to drop their leaves, revealing dark, strong limbs, she called me “Brenda.”
(Although quite similar—in the space of a few shuffled letters—my name is not Brenda.)
My introverted, non-confrontational, people-pleasing genes were already beginning to express themselves, so I said…nothing. I vividly recall that each time she would call my (not)name, a little, important piece of me inside would cringe. I continued to hope one day she would discover HER error and see ME…but alas.
I learned to stare at my feet. I learned that while it was hard to withstand being misunderstood, what was more concerning was that there was a part of me that accepted it, even though it stung.
As a kid, these kind of tolerations knock a little bit of the shine off of you. As an adult, they deprive the world a full view of you.
Fast forward 20 years, and Adult Me was graduating from nursing school. And boy, was I eager! Top of my class, job lined up, shiny new graduation stethoscope looped around my neck—I was READY. The only problem was, a little bit of Brenda still lived on inside me. And I’ve found that every new job or unfamiliar situation I’m placed in invites her to the surface.
I had big goals, right from the early days of my nursing career. Even though I was a wet-behind-the-ears GN, I knew I wanted to land in the ER, to perhaps even work towards becoming a trauma or flight nurse. In order to make that happen, I knew I needed to fight against my wallflower ways, because—guess what—a lot of new RNs want to forge a similar path. I needed to stand out, to be seen.
Spoiler alert: I made it!
Working in this field long enough (and humbly, from the position of a charge nurse in a major metropolitan ED), I know without a doubt that the best kind of nurses are the ones who have stepped fully into themselves—the ones who know just how awesome they are at their jobs. I’m sure you know the type. These are your unit’s Confident Ones; they know their ish, you could say. But it’s more than that.
There’s a power that comes from declaring who you are—that comes from claiming yourself proudly. When nurses do this—watch out! They’re certainly the ones you want taking care of you and your loved ones. And we desperately need more of those kinds of nurses around here.
So, fellow fade-into-the-background-despite-having-big-goal types, this one’s for you. Everything I’ve learned about bringing yourself to the surface, and then some.
Know that self-awareness is your super-power
If you belong to a group often overlooked at work (women, minority, general misfit), you may find yourself shrinking to comply with an (antiquated) social norm: “fitting in.” Resist this. Respectfully, but insistently, take up space. Take it from me, in a world that can’t stop opining about every little thing, your powers of observation from sitting on the fringe will make your voice that much more distinct when you finally do decide to use it. The quiet ones among us are often the most creative, thoughtful, and self-motivated. These are your strengths—use them.
“The best kind of nurses are the ones who have stepped fully into themselves—the ones who know just how awesome they are at their jobs.”
Dare to be visible
Self-promotion seems like a dirty word, especially for those of us who catch ourselves rolling our eyes at those who revel in it. But, in order to claim what is yours in the world, you must be visible to it. And in your organization’s eye, there’s a vast spectrum that exists between flagrant (and under-qualified) candidates loudly vying for a role and those quietly confident ones that stay top-of-mind. You simply need to break free from the belief that “my work will speak for itself,” and begin to understand that YOU must also speak for yourself.
Dial in your mindset
This is where having solid role models comes in handy. They can be a nurse you admire at work, an influencer, even a celebrity. Just make sure that it’s someone you can identify with, and whose boldness serves them well. Keeping their example in mind will help you to associate visibility at work with empowering yourself. Identify any limiting beliefs you have about standing up on your own because those will have to be checked at the door, as well.
Fail forward
Coming from the background to the foreground is uncomfortable. But—it is a skill, and skills can be learned by practically anyone! Unfortunately, part of learning involves failing. Now, I’ll spare you the platitudes about “comfort zones” as long as you take this part seriously: changing something about yourself (or your behavior) necessitates trial and error. Not everything is going to serve you, and that’s ok. Let’s say you want to work up towards becoming your unit’s charge nurse. You might start to volunteer for this committee or that, or bust your butt helping out struggling co-workers, or become someone to lean on for your existing charge nurse. Those actions involve a good deal of putting yourself out there, (not to mention, taking on any kind of additional nursing activity these days is exhausting). You won’t do it perfectly. But, you’ll be doing it; and the experience you from the times it doesn’t go right will prove invaluable.
Trust me, taking a few wobbly steps in the wrong direction makes you that much more confident when you finally find your lane. And confidence is key for mustering up the courage to be seen.
Need one final push? I’ll leave you with this: our patients deserve the fiercest advocates, those that really know their craft and themselves. And as nurses, we do our best when we keep our heads held high and our hearts full of love. So whatever you do, remember this: around these parts, we don’t stare at our shoes when called by the wrong name.